Molly Tells Jokes… Again.

That’s right, people. I did Standup… AGAIN! And it was awesome. I took the Standup 201 class at the DSI Comedy Theater with rockstar comedian, John Betz Jr. I had such a blast and I can’t wait to get on stage again. Standup is a form of comedy that is totally new to me and I am loving it.

I cut up some clips of my set for you to peruse at will. I have two short “Molly Quick Bits” and I have also included the entire set which you can watch below! I hope you enjoy! And please watch, comment, rate, and laugh! :) You’re awesome.

A Molly Quick Bit: “Working from Home”

A Molly Quick Bit: “My Name is Molly”

Molly Tells Jokes (My Entire Standup 201 Set)

All for now.

The Auto-Tune Might Be the Best Invention. EVER.

What is an auto-tune?

From Wikipedia: Auto-Tune is a proprietary audio processor created by Antares Audio Technologies. Auto-Tune uses a phase vocoder to correct pitch in vocal and instrumental performances. It is used to disguise off-key inaccuracies and mistakes, and has allowed singers to perform perfectly tuned vocal tracks without the need of singing in tune.

Basically, if you have ever heard a T-Pain or Kanye West song, you know what an auto-tune is. Well… they have made the auto-tune even better. For reals.

You HAVE to know the Charlie Bit Me video by now. This is 100 times better. Seriously. I honestly think I’ve watched this video about 12 times in a row now. It’s only :28 long. And each second is totally worth it. Enjoy.

As a bonus, enjoy an auto-tuned tribute to the late Billy Mays.

Ahhh it doesn’t get any better than that.

All for now.

The Return of Sarah Palin and Aurora Joplin

In case you weren’t aware, already… I am on the awesome rockstar writing team for a show called DSI Witness News out of the DSI Comedy Theater in Carrboro, NC. We write news parody, headlines, and character pieces. We do a once a month live show in a similar format to Weekend Update and we write for a 5 minute news segment MONDAY – FRIDAY on local radio station WCHL 1360AM, Chapel Hill-Carrboro’s News, Talk, and Tarheels station. DSI Witness News is ON AIR every morning at 8:20AM and every afternoon at 5:55PM.

We write hyper-local news, but we love tying in national headlines and national figures. I had so much fun with this morning’s episode that I wanted to share it on my own blog and do a plug for DSIWN, too!

Today’s episode featured endorsements for the Chapel Hill Mayoral election with Sarah Palin (me), Aurora Joplin (me), and Bill Strom (Kit FitzSimons). It was awesome. Check out the episode here.

Awesome. You can subscribe to the DSI Witness News podcast on iTunes – just search: DSI COMEDY and click subscribe!

You can also FOLLOW us on Twitter: @DSIWN. Don’t live in Chapel Hill/Carrboro? We also stream online… listen here: http://wchl1360.com/live_streaming.html. Now there’s no excuse not to listen and laugh! Thanks for supporting DSI Witness News. Thanks for supporting local comedy.

All for now.

A Moment of Silence for Soupy Sales

One of the most famous television hosts, Soupy Sales, passed away last week – October 22, 2009 – at the age of 83. I remember my dad telling me when I was a kid about Soupy Sales and how he used to watch Lunch with Soupy Sales everyday. Although I, personally never had the opportunity to watch Soupy, I still know what he did for television and what he did for comedy. I wanted to share this video on my comedy blog because I think it really is a testament to his charm, his wit, and of course, his hilarious New Year’s Day stunt in 1965. Enjoy!

All for now.

I’m out.

I’ve been hiding this from the world. Not many know this about me. For a long time, my parents didn’t even know. Well, my mom didn’t know, but my dad, deep down, he knew. My sister knew, because I’m close with her. My best friends knew, because they confronted me when I wasn’t cheering for their team. The more I’ve thought about it, the more it has eaten me up inside. And it’s time that I told EVERYONE.

I ALWAYS banked on Bernie.

That’s right, people. I’m… a CLEVELAND BROWNS FAN. Phew! I feel so much better now. Man, does it feel GOOD to get that off my chest! I’ve been afraid for a very long time to admit to the entire WORLD that I’m a Browns fan. Those closest to me always knew that I LOVE me some Bernie Kosar. (By the way, we need him back. I don’t care if he is like 50 something now. He was the best thing to ever happen. to us. ever.). I love me some Brown and Orange. I love me some Dog Pound. I hate me some Ravens.

You know, people have asked me, “Molly, when did you know?” And I say, “I’ve always known.” I’ve been a Browns fan since the day I was born. It’s not in my control. There have been Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays, where I have sat home crying by myself wishing I loved another team. But I don’t, I can’t. No matter how much I beg God to change me, he won’t. I love a horrible football team. It’s in my blood.

We weren’t always horrible. In fact, before the damn Super Bowl existed, we were good. REALLY good. How good? This is how good:

We were DIVISION Champions:

• AAFC Western Division: 1946, 1947, 1948, 1949
• NFL Century Division: 1967, 1968, 1969

(and when we had the BERNIE, we were good!):

• AFC Central Division Champs: 1971, 1980, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1989

We were even CONFERENCE Champions:

• NFL Eastern Conference: 1953, 1954, 1955, 1957, 1964, 1965, 1968, 1969
• NFL American Conference: 1950, 1951, 1952

And then, there were the NFL Championships (this was the equivalent of the Super Bowl before the Super Bowl existed):

• AAFC Champions: 1946, 1947, 1948, 1949
• NFL Champions: 1950, 1954, 1955, 1964

We’ve, of course, been to the playoffs. But that’s neither here, nor there.

You know, there was even a time when I couldn’t love any team. I call those the DARK AGES. From 1996-1999 when the evil, EVIL, Art Moddell SOLD my beloved Browns to Baltimore to make an even more evil thing, THE BALTIMORE RAVENS. This is why I hate the Ravens, Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven, seafood, piers, and Baltimore at large. They stole my team. My players. And then they even won the Super Bowl with them. Have the Browns won a Super Bowl? No.

I don’t want to talk about that.

[*SIDE NOTE: By the way, I put up with the Ravens now because a good friend and sorority sister of mine from college is now a Ravenette. Yes, I know an actual Ravenette. So I deal. ;)]

But now, we’re back. We (the BROWNS) came back in 1999. And we came back not strong. In the 10 years we’ve been back, we’ve had 6 coaches, like 18 offensive coordinators, and a gazillion quarterbacks. We’ve been to the playoffs ONCE since we’ve been back, and that was a lucky shot. I think the Steelers had jaundice that day or something – so that was like beating a kitten in a poker game.

And that leaves me to where I am today. Loving a team that nobody loves. Well, my dad loves them, and this random guy I knew in college loves them. But it’s hard. It’s like being married to a crack addict. You know that they need to get off the crack, and it tears you up inside, but you can’t leave them. … Man, that is a horrible analogy.

You know what I mean. We are heading into Week 7 and the Browns are 1-5. Great.

But I don’t care. I’m going to sport my vintage KOSAR jersey and be proud of who I am and who I love.

Nothing can stop me.

Not even you, Chris Cooley. You sexy Redskin.

All for now.

Molly Buckley tells jokes.

That’s right. For the first time, I stopped making things up on the spot (for the most part) and did standup comedy. It was awesome and such a rush. Watch my set here where I talk about awkward childhood memories and awkward college memories. (SORT of safe for work…) ;)

Comment. Rate. Enjoy. :)

No. It can’t be true. THE RETURN OF SNUGGIE MANIA.

You guessed it. (Actually, you probably did not guess it). The SNUGGIE mania is back, bolder, better, and booklightier than ever. As I was working early this morning I had my TV on in the background to serve as, you know, “white noise.” And suddenly IT came on the television screen. The new and revised SNUGGIE commercial.

Whether or not we want to admit it, the Snuggie was, in fact, the number ONE gift for Christmas last year. And being that it is already October 12th, the Snuggie corporation is trying to think of a new way of promoting the SAME product they sold last year to make it, once again, the number one gift for Hanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, whathaveyou. Except this time they have chose to spice up their marketing with more Snuggie colors, patterns, and a DOG snuggie option (I covered my feelings about this in an earlier post). This new commercial even features HORRIBLE dancing. I mean, bad. Really bad raising of the roof.

Please note at 1:01, the only man in the stands NOT wearing a Snuggie is obnoxiously shivering, yet he is wearing an ACTUAL coat. Just thought I’d point that out.

Ohmahgod: Seal. HAS A LAST NAME.

It can’t be true. No, it just can’t be. My whole life (well, since July of 1994) I have lived in a fantasy world. Of SEAL. A one-named man whose sultry voice, inspiring lyrics, and scarface, have inspired me to sing karaoke many, many a time.

SEAL will always be SEAL to me.

But all of this was created in an image. No, not God’s image, Molly Buckley’s image. To me, he is SEAL. Nothing more, nothing less. An attractive, wonderful, smart, African-American man named after an adorable sea creature, thing.

This actual seal is reacting to the realization that SEAL has a last name.

And now it’s all RUINED. Heidi Klum, Seal’s amazingly hot wife (which I am totally comfortable admitting) has announced that she is going to finally take on Seal’s last name. This came as a total shock to me. I mean, he doesn’t have one, that’s why she never took it to begin with. But, alas, I have been duped. He does. And it is: SAMUEL. HIS NAME IS SEAL SAMUEL. ohmahgod.

Heidi Klum will now be Heidi Samuel.

Seal is now Seal Samuel. That is quite possibly the worst last name for a man named Seal ever.

THIS JUST IN. It’s OHmahgod, BREAKING NEWS.

I have been just informed that Seal Samuel is, in fact, his name… but only PART OF IT. That’s right, folks. Seal’s FULL NAME IS:

Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel

Say THAT three times fast. No wonder he only went by SEAL.

I have to admit, that YES, I am disappointed in him. For lying to me all these years. He has now been rebirthed, in my eyes. He is no longer Seal. SEAL is dead to me. He is Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel. Forever and for always.

True dat.

I’m going to now include the BATMAN FOREVER video version of Kiss From a Rose to mourn the deal of SEAL as I knew him. Enjoy SEAL with an open chested black silk shirt. I know I do.

Ellis Lanksder – A High School Teenager in Disguise?

Like um, this is real. I hope someone, like um, invents a candy, gum, beer, or like um, clothing line called “Like Um’s” because I think he would like um, be the perfect like um, spokesman. At first, I was like um, convinced this was a, um, joke. Although, sadly, it is not. Was not. Is not. It’s not a, like um, joke.

What I like, um, is they even created a REMIX. Like um, duh, that had to happen. Like um.

This is a hot, like um, song. I hope I hear it in the clubs, like um, soon. Drop the, like um, beat.

Like um, all for now.

I AM T-Pain.

Okay, well I’m not ACTUALLY T-Pain, but now I can sound like him whenever I want. iPhone and Smule release the I Am T-Pain iPhone app where you can literally sing and record yourself sounding JUST like T-Pain. So, I recorded a little diddy. Check it out here: http://iamtpain.smule.com/mysongs/track/41115

Apple & Smule are geniuses.

I have that same hat in blue.

If you have an iPhone, buying the app is TOTALLY worth the $2.99. You do have to have speakers and/or your headphones for to hear it, but it records you and then you can upload it to the Smule website, Facebook, or MySpace.

But let me tell you, this thing is FUN. I never thought I could love auto-tune more than I already do.

All for now.